Fast and Furious 6

The Fast and the Furious franchise confuses the hell out of me purely and simply because I love it.  I probably shouldn’t, but I do.  It baffles me that we have are now on film number6.  The fact that the films genuinely get better with each instalment makes the situation all the more ridiculous.

In terms of my favourite summer blockbusters it has always been between Pacific Rim and Fast and Furious 6 (herein after referred to as Fast6) to be at the top of the list.

PLOT:  Dom (Vin Diesel), Brian (Paul Walker) and the gang are happily living in non-extradition countries following their heist in Brazil (Fast5).  Their crime free lives are interrupted when Agent Hobbs (The Rock) offers them all full pardons if they help catch Owen Shaw (Luke Evans). The team head to London but Shaw is a step ahead of them with every rev of an engine.  Things become personal between Dom and Shaw when it becomes apparent that Letty (Michelle Rodriguez) is alive and working with Shaw.  END PLOT

The Fast films are not famous for their intricate plotting.  This isn’t a criticism as they are heavy on fast cars and action which is what we all pay to see.  Unfortunately with a running length of 130mins (IMDB) Fast6 becomes a tad too long and it loses some of the fast paced mayhem that we have come to expect.

The return of Letty is the main problem as far too much time is spent on the character.  Letty wasn’t that interesting to begin with and Rodriguez’s special brand of acting, in which she always appears to be mentally computing really hard sums while smelling something bad, makes this subplot drag.  The promise of a full pardon and a return to LA was enough motivation for Dom and his crew to return.  Letty should have remained dead.

The main plot is the basic “stop the villain from stealing components to make a weapon that will destroy the world” caper.  The technology and science are thankfully kept to minimum.  It is all preamble to the car chases and rightfully so.

The action is fast, slick and totally in keeping with the Fast franchise.  There is more hand-to-hand combat this time around but the car action doesn’t take a back seat.  The car chases are standard fare and if you can look past the fact that the finale takes place on a suspiciously long runway it is very well put together set piece.

Character development isn’t something that the Fast films attempt but it doesn’t matter as we know the characters and if we are honest with ourselves; have affection for them.

Diesel, Walker and Jordana Brewster owe their careers to Fast and Furious and although they are never going to be bothering the Oscars they are as solid as ever.

The Rock is a very welcome returnee and although Tyrese Gibson, Ludacris, Sung Kang and Gal Gadot are also back it doesn’t feel like a case of the-gangs-all-here-itis.  There is plenty of humour from the supporting cast and the banter between Gibson, Ludacris and The Rock caused a respectable amount of giggles.  Family is a key theme in Fast6 and it pays off at the end of the film when there are a few shocking moments and, as a fan of the characters, I felt them.

Luke Evans is a decent villain but is hampered as his screen time is minimal; again, if the Letty subplot wasn’t shoehorned in I think Evans would have been given a lot more to do.

It would have taken a lot for me not to enjoy Fast and Furious 6.  This was probably one of the easiest trips to the cinema I’ve had in quite a while as I knew exactly what I was going to get and I got it.  There are arguments to be had about the top speed of a tank but this isn’t the blog that is going to make them.

Fast and Furious 6 didn’t disappoint and it will in all likelihood be viewed again in glorious 2D before it leaves the cinema.  Fast7 is coming next year and Fast6 laid the groundwork for anticipation levels to be ridiculously high before I had left the screen. 

Fast6 gets an 8.5/10 – it won’t be the best film of the year but the franchise knows its strengths and plays them well.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning

I have always maintained that the less blood there is spilt in a horror film the scarier I tend to find it. I usually plump for supernatural horror although once in a while I am not adverse to the odd slasher film.

PLOT: Brothers Eric (Matt Bomer) and Dean (Taylor Handley) are taking a final road trip across America with their respective girlfriends Chrissie (Jordana Brewster) and Bailey (Diora Baird) before enlisting in the US army. After getting into an altercation with a group of bikers the friends are arrested by the head of a psychotic family posing as the local sheriff (R. Lee Ermey)….. END PLOT

The plot of Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginnings is essentially an origins story for Leatherface and although it rigidly sticks to the traditional format it is very well executed.

There are fives things that scare the life out of me and “psychotic murderous hillbilly families” have a spot on this particular list. I would do absolutely anything for my family and I consider myself to be reasonably sane. The fact that a family of psychos have the same values as me when it comes to protecting their loved ones scares me and it is why I find these types of films so unsettling – a family of blood lusting crazies is much scarier than just one.

Sheriff Hoyt (R. Lee Emery) is the head of the Hewitt family. Leatherface may have the chainsaw but the Sheriff pulls the chord. Emery was on great form and had some wonderfully dark comedic lines scattered throughout the film.

I will confess that Matt Bomer is my sole reason for purchasing this dvd. I love him in White Collar and I was as relieved as I was surprised that I did not see any element of Neal Caffrey when I was watching the film. This bodes well for his career which will surely take off with The Normal Heart in 2014.

The poor victims are all young, attractive and are killed by Leatherface and his arsenal of sharp instruments in various creative sadistic ways. Leatherface always keeps the audience on his toes as he tends to switch from being a lumbering retard to a stealthy ninja.  This bizarrely makes the film quite tense as you cannot predict which Leatherface will be in any given scene.

The captives were not killed immediately and Sheriff Hoyt enjoying toying with the brothers for quite some time. This was clever as the psychological torture which preceded the bloodshed really ramped up the tension and emotion.

The killings were violent but they remained grounded and within the borders of reality. Once you have to suspend belief with a horror film it loses its momentum.  There was lots of blood and some very gory moments but it was in keeping with typical slasher fare.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning should have been a traditional throwaway ninety minute slasher but it was much better than expected – I don’t feel much shame or embarrassment by confessing that it was legitimately good.

The film was written by Sheldon Turner who wrote X Men: First Class and won a BAFTA for Up In The Air (IMDB) so there was talent behind the script and it showed. The strong performances by the cast also helped the film to rise above its station.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning is not groundbreaking nor does it attempt to add anything new to the genre. What it does do is prove that when a procedural script is placed in the right hands it can produce a very decent film. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning gets a respectable 7.5/10.

**
For the avoidance of doubt “psychotic murderous hillbilly families” join dying in a plane crash, Tom Cruise, moths and zombies as things that scare the life out of me.

**

The Faculty

I first watched The Faculty at a sleepover when I was about fourteen. My VHS copy died around the birth of the dvd and for reasons unknown I only got around to purchasing a copy in 2012 when I spotted it completely by accident on sale.

PLOT: In a typical high school in small-town America a group of students discover that their teachers are aliens and are slowly starting to infect the student population.

It is up to the geek (Elijah Wood), the jock (Shawn Hatosy), the cheerleader (Jordanna Brewster), the goth (Clea DuVall), the new girl (Laura Harris) and the rebel (Josh Hartnett) to form an unlikely alliance and save the school.

In their quest to kill the queen they begin to suspect that one of more of the group may already be infected.

Kids: the drugs do work. END PLOT

The Faculty is essentially a remake of The Invasion of The Body Snatchers. The twist is the characters are aware of Jack Finney’s novel and use their knowledge of his book to try and figure out what is going on.

Once the group has assembled the plot follows typical horror beats as each teen is picked off one by one by the Faculty. The script doesn’t offer anything new but neither does try. This isn’t a criticism as it manages to allow events to unfold in a ridiculously fan manner which never strays into parody.

The teens consist of well known high school stereotypes, all of whom are trying to break out of the clichéd norm – the jock wants to study, the geek becomes the hero, the rebel turns out to extremely academic – and this ties in nicely with the aliens removing their human hosts’ key characteristics. The change in each character at the end of the film almost succeeds in creating an ambiguous ending.

In 1998 the teenagers of The Faculty were all unknown and have gone on to reach varying levels of success in their acting careers. The young cast all put in very strong performances but they owe a thank you to the dialogue. The group bitches their way through the invasion and the snappy exchanges, put downs and one liners add to the comedic tone of the film.

The Faculty are just as recognisable with Robert Patrick, Salma Hayek, Famke Jansen and Bebe Neuwirth and more appearing in small but effective roles. In 2012 the cast boasts an impressive list of names.

With the exception of Mr Furlong’s Fingers the effects and action have aged surprisingly well although I have watched better blu-ray conversions as some of the skylines and backgrounds did appear quite grainy, especially when outside.

The soundtrack is very decent with some slick covers of "Another Brick In The Wall" and "Schools Out". I am thankful for the omission of “I Want You To Want Me” – a very annoying song which is associated with every high school based film around the turn of the millennium.

The Faculty was a VHS favourite at the age of fourteen but I cannot believe just how much love I still have for the film at twenty-six. I was expecting to enjoy it in a nostalgic fashion but I think I love it more now than I did then.

Those of you who know me well enough are aware of my obsession with 90minute filler films - with The Faculty I have been reunited with my first 90minute love. I will openly admit that it is not the best film ever made but I just cannot give it anything less than 10/10.

Fast Five

There are some franchises which suck you in and you could not, even if your life was dependant upon it, offer up a respectable reason as to why you are on board with this particular turbo charged bandwagon.

I blame clever release dates aka there was fuck all else out. It is the only viable explanation as to why this is the third instalment of the Fast and Furious saga that The Nerdy Trio have been to see on opening weekend.

PLOT: Fast 5 opens exactly where Fast 4 finishes. I realised this in the cinema and subsequently I died a little shortly thereafter. Dom (Vin Diesel) Brian (Paul Walker) and Mia (Jordana Brewster) are on the run in Rio where they chance upon a micro chip that leads them on an adventure whereupon they stand to steal $100,000,000.00. Agent Hobbs (Dwyane Johnson) and various local criminals are unhappy about this. There is a car chase. There is a nice little “get the gang back together montage” and before The Rock can scream “BRING IT!” the explosions start. There is a fight scene between two big bald headed lumbering juggernauts of manly testosterone. Paul Walker has very blue eyes. Diesel and The Rock stare so intently at one another I thought I saw a brief glimmer of man love. There are cool cars. They get the money. Down town Brazil is destroyed forever. END PLOT

The plot is irrelevant but allows us to have some minor car chases in order to build up to the big finale which is as ridiculous as it is awesome.

Paul Walker is a very bad actor who has struck it lucky as all these movies require him to do is to smile and look attractive until the stunt double is ready to take over.

Vin Diesel cannot be considered an actor as he always come across as some sort of doughy mechanical retard whose batteries are in dire need of changing. The Rock just plays The Rock and even then I think he is always slightly miscast. It is only a matter of time before these two play brothers in the LOUDEST (but mostly dialogue free) action film of all time.

If The Rock had taken up the offer of a hug this would have been a totally different movie

The supporting cast through are quite fun. I think that Ludicrous has this wonderfully dry delivery (either that or I am giving him way too much credit) and although saddled with some god awful lines Tyrese Gibson is charming. These two were fun together.

I am not even embarrassed to admit that there was always something cool about the character of Han. I am glad that we are forgetting that he actually died in Tokyo Drift in order to keep the character around - either that or the Fast & Furious movies are trying to mind fuck us all with a complicated time line of events.

In action franchises each instalment gets bigger and louder with each passing movie and Fast 5 is no different and to be honest I am grateful. I could sit here and type out a list of faults in the movie, the fact that it is totally unrealistic and of course the bad acting but what would be the point? If you are wanting a thought provoking critique on the modern failings of society then you have walked into the wrong screen.

Fast 5 is a classic leave you brain at the door and enjoy the noise, pretty cars and explosions kind of film. It gets an 8/10 for the cinema experience - I will never see a Fast and Furious movie outside of the cinema