Magic Mike XXL

 

Magic Mike popped up a couple of years ago and the world watched on in shock and alarm as Channing Tatum suddenly became a big Box Office draw.  As I had been a fan of Tatums since Step Up I sat back with smug satisfaction and enjoyed the ride.  I remember seeing Magic Mike in the cinema and according to my review of the film I enjoyed it immensely.  The sequel was unnecessary but inevitable and I was quite content to ignore the build-up as I had already decided to see it.

PLOT:  Mike (Channing Tatum) has left the world of stripping and is the proud CEO of a failing furniture business.  Mike decides to abandon his struggling enterprise and join the guys for one last ride (their phrasing, not mine). The gang do a quick detour to collect the black characters and another to offer advice to menopausal women before heading to a major stripping convention where they have the opportunity to earn dozens of dollars by gyrating rhythmically along to R&B music.  END PLOT

The plot of Magic Mike XXL should have been a few scenes of dialogue intercut with many stripping and dance montages.  Unfortunately this is not what we got.  The scenes with the boys bantering were great fun with Joe Manganiello stealing the show but the film fell flat on several occasions due to unnecessary diversions.  The entire section with Andie MacDowell was a waste of time and only served to highlight just how desperate the filmmakers were to shoehorn a love interest for Mike into the movie.  Amber Heard is not an interesting actress and the character of Zoe added nothing to the film.

There is no denying that Channing Tatum can dance and his final routine was great fun to watch.  The rest of the cast are not natural dancers but their routines took this into account and were all entertaining in their own individual ways.  It’s disappointing that we had to wait until the final 10minutes of a 1hour 55minute film to get what we paid for. 

Channing Tatum is fine as Mike and returning cast members Matt Bomer and Joe Manganiello get more screen time but there were sections of the film where they were pushed to the side in favour of the boring subplots.  Magic Mike XXL should have been 90mins of pure enjoyable nonsense and although I politely applaud the attempt to flesh out the subplots, they weren’t necessary and only served to hinder the film.   

Magic Mike XXL is a mixed bag and although there were some moments that were great fun the pacing was off and I felt bored too many times.  It gets 6/10.  Magic Mike XXL is ticked off the list of films to see this summer but it will be forgotten very quickly.  However, I am now off to watch Community and enjoy the wonderful Donald Glover in brand new ways.

Troy.  Making ends meat to pay for a plane ticket back to Greendale.  After escaping the pirates.

Jupiter Ascending

 

It’s confession time random spam bots – I absolutely hate The Matrix.  I just don’t get it.  My complete lack of interest in the adventures of Neo means that I have absolutely no love for the Wachowski’s.  The trailer for Jupiter Ascending suggested the film would be nothing more than high budget blandness but it doesn’t feel like a proper Saturday if I am not in the cinema… so I went....and let the listings times decide my viewing.

PLOT:  During a routine identity theft/egg donating caper Jupiter Jones (Mila Kunis) is attacked by a group of aliens circa Men in Black and is saved by Caine (Channing Tatum) a genetically modified wolf-man with a dyed blond goatee and jet-powered gravity boots.  Jupiter discovers that she is the reincarnation of the previously murdered owner of earth and must protect the planet from her… erm….space children…who…erm….want to marry her…or erm... kill her for a second time....to get their inheritance…I think.  END PLOT

I consider myself to have, at the very least, basic levels of human intelligence but Jupiter Ascending has defeated me.  I am all for science fiction and jaunts to outer space but Jupiter Ascending is so bloated with space debris I will never be able to fully comprehend what I endured for two long hours.  The plot is such an incomprehensible mess I was crying out for some clunky exposition to tell me what in the actual fuck was happening.  

The only person who knew less about what was happening than me was Mila Kunis. The only difference was she got paid for the experience whereas I paid.  I almost feel sorry for Kunis that her big leading role was a complete dud although she did wear some ridiculous space dresses like a pro so at least that’s something.

It was kind of the Wachowski’s to have Channing Tatum topless for the vast majority of the film but it wasn’t the same without Tatum’s usual easy going charm.  Tatum wasn’t the worst thing in Jupiter Ascending as that accolade goes to Eddie Redmayne.  Redmayne whispered his way through the film like an old man dying from bronchitis in what will be one of the greatest unintentionally hilarious performances of the year.  The only people who will be praising Eddie Redmayne are his fellow Best Actor nominees.

Tatum gets marks for pulling off the "Jax Teller in drag" look

 

Despite having a big budget the action consisted of a chase scene through the suspiciously empty streets of Chicago and a space battle in which Jupiter spent most of her time running around in circles while being startled by small bursts of fire.  The lazy action was accompanied by a score that was so intrusive I think I may have wronged the entire brass section in another life.  There was nothing in Jupiter Ascending that flowed with any real cohesion. 

 

Jupiter Ascending is a bloated mess with no redeeming qualities.  It didn’t even have the good grace to fall into the “it’s so bad it’s good” category.  Jupiter Ascending gets 1/10.  The one represents my loyalty to Channing Tatum.

Foxcatcher

 

Oscar Season is finally kicking into gear and this week’s contender is Foxcatcher.  I admit that aside from a brief infatuation with the WWE around the time the Hardy Boyz were putting Edge and Christian through tables I know absolutely nothing about the world of wrestling in any form or at any level.

The Schultz brothers and Du Pont were complete strangers to me therefore I have no idea how accurately they have been portrayed.  I am not asking either.  I pride myself on a complete refusal to do any extracurricular research into the films that I watch.  A film is a film and should be judged as such.

 

PLOT: Olympic gold medal winning wrestler Mark Schultz (Channing Tatum) joins the Foxcatcher wrestling team formed by John du Pont (Steve Carell) to train for the 1988 Olympics.  Schultz moves into du Pont’s training grounds however following a violent altercation Schultz begins to rethink their relationship.  END PLOT

Foxcatcher is a quiet film with an understated script which seems to follow a less is more pattern.  There were lots of pointed silences and due to my complete lack of prior knowledge I felt that I was missing the significance of what was not being said.  It was a bizarre feeling and one that I haven’t experienced before.  Nevertheless the film was always engaging and I was blown away by the closing events. 

 

Channing Tatum is a favourite of mine and I have been a fan from the good old Step Up days.  I don’t pretend that he is the strongest actor in the world but neither does he and I am enjoying his success as much as he is baffled by it.  It was good to see him try something serious and despite having a minimal amount of dialogue to showcase what he could do Tatum can hold his head up high.

Mark Ruffalo is the perfect everyman and is always likeable however it is Steve Carell who was the biggest surprise as Foxcatcher marks the first time I have seen him in a non-comedic role.  Carell was perfectly creepy and some of his attempts to coach the wrestlers were purposely uncomfortable to watch.  I wasn’t sure what to make of du Pont and what his intentions were but when Carell was on screen I couldn’t take my eyes off him.

 

The film is a slow burner and despite clocking in at a lengthy 2hours 9mins (IMDB) I was engrossed.  It perhaps lacked the emotional intensity of other sports films such as Warrior or Friday Night Lights but the performances were strong enough to make it worth my time.  Foxcatcher gets a very respectable 7/10 but unless I suddenly take an interest in wrestling I would be hard pressed to find a reason to watch it again.

22 Jump Street

 

After the unexpected success of 21 Jump Street I don’t think there were too many people unhappy with the announcement that a sequel was in the works.  The trick would be creating a sequel that, at the very least, equalled the first instalment.

PLOT:  As a new drug craze sweeps through the local college Jenko (Channing Tatum) and Schmidt (Jonah Hill) head back to school once more to infiltrate the dealer and catch the supplier.  END PLOT

The tone of 22 Jump Street follows that of its predecessor and is aware of the unspoken rule that sequels have a bigger budget and tend to be noisier and more ridiculous.  The self-awareness makes for some hilarious moments especially during the “keep the expenses down” car chase through the campus.

The theme of self-awareness goes further than clichéd plot tropes with the characters themselves being desperate to rehash the events of the first film.  Again, this works in 22 Jump Streets favour and stops the viewer from looking too deeply into the script.

America’s Sweetheart Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum are back and slot into their roles with ease.  The chemistry is still there and the film is at its best when the two are on screen together.  Ice Cube is back in an extended role and is great fun especially during his scenes with Hill.  On paper the cast seem an unlikely trio but they are the undisputed stars of the show.

I am notoriously miserable when it comes to comedies and I tend to see only a couple in the cinema every year.  22 Jump Street did not disappoint and I was in hysterics during Tatum’s “light bulb moment” and the “keep the expenses down” car case.

Overall 22 Jump Street is an excellent film and I had a bloody good time.  The only thing it lacked with the surprise factor which came with 21 Jump Street, nevertheless, expectations were high and it didn’t disappoint.

22 Jump Street is entertaining and the sequel ideas that played out during the closing credits made the film even more enjoyable.  Given my lack of interest in comedy it is a pretty safe bet to claim that 22 Jump Street will take that top comedy crown for 2014.  It gets 8/10.

23 Jump Street?  I won’t be unhappy...... unless it is a reboot.

G.I Joe: Retaliation

If you put Channing Tatum in a film with The Rock I will automatically be on board.  There is no point in pretending otherwise.

I wasn’t expecting G.I Joe: Retaliation to be a game changer but anything less than a big noisy action film would be considered a disappointment.

PLOT:  After the Joes are branded traitors by the President of America they set out to clear their name. Storm Shadow fights with his top off and I switch allegiance. Cobra blows up London and no one cares.  The Joes save the day. END PLOT

I have kept my plot description brief as there was so much crammed into Retaliation that I had absolutely no idea what was happening.  The plot is an incomprehensible mess and in order to keep up I had to stick to the basics – Joes = good, Cobra = bad and when the Rock starts sweating profusely I knew that shit was either going down or about to get real.

Like G.I Joe: Rise of the Cobra the subplot between Snake Eyes (Ray Park) and Storm Shadow (Byung-hun Lee) is much more interesting that the main arc.  Storm Shadow enjoyed quite a lot of screen time which pleased me.

The action motors along at breakneck speed although it never gets a chance to flow as the camera is constantly cutting and jerking around.  The best set piece was the mountain chase which was a key feature in the trailer.  This sequence is much longer in the film and was quite spectacular.

The hand to hand combat scenes were decently choreographed and much more exciting to watch than the explosions.  A few more of these, starring Storm Shadow, would not have been unwelcome.

The 3D aspect was practically non-existent aside from the exploding fireflies.  The action was so frantic the 3D almost hindered it as it made it harder to focus on what was happening.

The Rock leads the chaos with ease and like him or not he is made for this type of role.  Channing Tatum’s sudden increase in popularity meant that last minute re-shoots were required to include some Rock/Tatum buddy scenes. 

The rest of the cast which was made up of Adrianne Palicki, Elodie Young, Ray Stevenson and D.J Controna were decent although they were not required to do much other than look gorgeously badass.  Bruce Willis phoned in his lines from a dying handset.

Jon Chu, the director of two Step Ups and a Justin Bieber documentary, may not have been the best choice to handle such a film.  If the filmmakers embraced the ridiculousness of the Joe vs Cobra battle and added some campy fun the overall tone of the film would have fared a lot better. 

G.I Joe: Retaliation gets 6/10.  If you are prepared to go with the flow and accept that for the vast majority of the 110min (IMDB) running time you will be in a constant state of confusion the film isn’t that bad. I would even go as far as to say that G.I Joe: Retaliation was good.  It has the Rock so is there really cause to complain? 

Side Effects

Side Effects appeared in the listings with next to no advertising.  Luckily a very convincing trailer had played in the cinema last week otherwise the film would have passed me by completely.

PLOT:  After her husband Martin (Channing Tatum) is released from prison Emily (Rooney Mara) spirals into a deep depression.   Emily agrees to take part in a clinical trial for a new pill Ablixa by her doctor, Jonathan Banks (Jude Law) however once on the medication she starts to suffer side effects which include sleep walking.  In her sleep walking state Emily stabs and kills her husband and is sent to a mental institution.  As Jonathan delves deeper into Emily’s medical history he realises that her reaction to the medication is not at all what it seems.  END PLOT

Side Effects is a very slow paced thriller but if you are prepared to settle in and allow the events to unfold you will be rewarded. The twist is cleverly executed and I will confess that I did not see it coming.

My main complaint in the storytelling was perhaps the lack of ambiguity at the end of the film.  There was nothing left to debate on the journey home as every plot thread had been neatly wrapped up.

Rooney Mara is excellent as the tortured Emily and given the nature of the plot twist it makes her performance at the beginning of the film stronger with hindsight.

Jude Law is the films true lead and although he is very capable Mara steals every scene they are in together.

The most likeable actors in Hollywood Channing Tatum and Catherine Zeta-Jones pop up in strong supporting roles.

The cinematography was gorgeous with the sweeping closing shot being one of the best moments in the film.

This is a ridiculously short review as the more I write the more inclined I am to spoil the film so I think it is best to quit while I am ahead not behind.

I have never been able to call myself a fan of Steven Soderberg but Side Effects proves that it’s time I seek out Soderberg’s back catalogue.  It is typical that the film that makes me sit up and take notice of a director is reportedly his last.  Side Effects deserves a 9/10 and is most definitely worth your time.  

Magic Mike

A film about male strippers was always going to pique my interest let’s not pretend otherwise.  The fact that Magic Mike is based on the early life of Channing Tatum, an actor who has suddenly hit the big league, has made the entire concept rise beyond the normal levels of intrigue.

PLOT:  Mike (Channing Tatum) is a thirty year old stripper who dreams of being a carpenter.   After a chance encounter with Adam (Alex Pettyfer) Mike takes him under one of his finely toned wings and introduces him to Dallas (Matthew McConaughey) and his team of strippers.  As Adam gets sucked further into the stripping world Mike is beginning to have second thoughts about his lifestyle.  END PLOT

Magic Mike is much more plot driven than expected.  The film isn’t complex but it does have a fairly decent story which is bookended cleverly by a performance of “It’s raining men”. 

The tone is fairly light hearted until the midway point when some of the darker elements of the stripping lifestyle start to emerge – drugs and even Dallas showed that he had sinister undertones.

The stripping routines were all ridiculously overblown and comical however I counted more female breasts than male butt cheeks.  I am all for equality but there is a time and place for it.

Channing Tatum has come along way since Step Up (a franchise that I will not hear a bad word about – except Step Up 3D) and although he isn’t the best actor in the world he does try.  It was  unfortunate that whenever the film took a dramatic turn he couldn’t quite step up to the plate.  Tatum was clearly the only member of the troupe which any dance experience so he got a few solo outings.  Say what you want about his acting – Tatum can dance.

Matthew McConaughey is a good actor but he appeared in so many crappy romantic comedies it became hard to take him seriously.  McConaughey was on great form as Dallas and despite his casual laid back attitude he did manage to show that Dallas could be dangerous if he needed to be.

Alex Pettyfer looks permanently grumpy and I fear that he will launch a violent attack on any person who mentions it.  Adam was the most unlikeable character in the film but Pettyfer was decent in the role.

Matt Bomer and Joe Manganiello were mostly the background attractions however I did find my eye wandering past Mike’s drama to watch them.  They had about five lines between them but they were extremely well executed.

 Picture the tv show:  It's set in the 1950's, good cop/bad cop and it rains.  A lot.

There was much excitement surrounding Magic Mike but I did have realistic expectations about the film.  Magic Mike was great fun but it just wasn’t dramatic enough when it mattered to have any real impact.  It gets a 7.5/10.

21 Jump Street

I’m Irish therefore it is in my genes to have a cracking sense of humour. I tend to find everything funny no matter how inappropriate, childish or sarcastic it may seem to others but even I find it bizarre to admit that I generally don’t enjoy comedies. I would venture to the cinema to watch no more than a couple each year – for every Easy A there is a This Means War and for every The Guard there is Nicolas Cage.

I had absolutely no knowledge of 21 Jump Street save for the fact that it starred Channing Tatum (who is so hot right now) which was quite frankly (and completely unashamedly) enough for me.

PLOT: Jenko (Channing Tatum) is a dumb but muscular cop who happens to be partners with the smart but nerdy Schmidt (Jonah Hill). The two graduates from the class of 2005 go undercover in a local high school in order to discover who is dealing drugs to the students. The prom king becomes the outcast. The nerd becomes the cool kid. The sequel will take place in college. END PLOT

The plot of 21 Jump Street is standard fare but the film is fully aware of this with the Captain’s “recycling shit from the 1980’s speech”. 21 Jump Street is one of those films which isn’t about the plot. It is about the execution.

One of the main reasons I don’t watch many comedies is that nine times out of ten all the best parts are in the trailer – with 21 Jump Street that is not the case as I giggled through the entire film.

Some of the laughs were silly but the vast majority were because of some ridiculously funny one liners – the Korean Jesus, fuck you science and the tights/skinny jeans moments had me in stitches.

Channing Tatum has suddenly become Channing Tatum! How did this reasonably talented, reasonably good looking, reasonable substitute if Ryan Gosling doesn’t answer the phone dude get to be everywhere? It turns out that he plays the dumb idiot very well.

The awful trailer for The Sitter was enough to make me dislike Jonah Hill but he was also very funny and had great chemistry with Tatum.

The supporting cast of Dave Franco, Ice Cube et al were all very strong – there was no weak link with the casting.

The set pieces were fun and parodied standard action clichés such as randomly exploding vehicles very well.  The tone of the film always remained light hearted.

21 Jump Street announced the premise for its sequel during the last scene and although I hate it when films end with a “next time, if we were make enough money this time” I didn’t care.

As I am not a big watcher of comedy I tend to either love them or hate them – for me it is a genre where there is no middle ground. If someone told me that 21 Jump Street was a comedy which actually delivered laughs I wouldn’t have believed them and the film gets an 8/10. I am trying to reign in just how much I loved it.

Haywire

Michael Fassbender featured heavily in the trailer for Haywire in which he was unceremoniously beaten, strangled and thrown into a bath.  An explanation was required for the shocking treatment of Fassbender by some random butch chick.  This is the sole reason Haywire was on my radar. 

PLOT:  Mallory Kane (Gina Carano) an employee of a nameless and non-government funded spy agency is doubled-crossed by Kenneth, (Ewan McGregor) Rodrigo, (Antonia Banderas) Coblenz, (Michael Douglas) Aaron (Channing Tatum) and Paul (Michael Fassbender).  Mallory reacts to being set up by kicking forty shades of green out of Paul in a Dublin hotel and thereafter travels back to America to hunt down the most evil Kenneth in history to get some answers.  END PLOT

Haywire may be advertised as an intelligent thriller with the female equivalent of Jason Bourne in the lead role but it is just another “I’ve been double-crossed and I must know why” tale and offers absolutely nothing new to the genre.  The film ended two hours ago and I still haven’t been able to figure out the exact reason why Kenneth wanted Mallory dead.  I know it is because of Barcelona and isn’t because she dumped him…...…

Gina Carano is hot, feisty and I honestly believe she could kill me with one finger however in the acting world she is essentially the bastard love child of that unstoppable juggernaut Michael Myers and Angelina Jolie.

Carano is not a natural actress and relied heavily on the fact that she is a complete kicker of asses to carry her through the film.  It is refreshing to have a female action star who you believe could throw a punch without shattering her own skinny elbow so fingers crossed Carano partakes in a few acting lessons before her next film.

Ewan McGregor appears to be sacrificing his natural charm in favour of pronouncing each and every syllable in an obviously fake American accent and I do like Channing Tatum although if pressed I wont be able to remember why. 

The rest ensemble cast is made up of respectable names such as Antonio Banderas, Michael Douglas and the always impressive Michael Fassbender.

Haywire does star an enviable list of actors but the entire cast roll through proceedings looking constantly bewildered.  It’s as though they signed up to take part in an action thriller and seem extremely confused by the lack of thrilling action.   

This is perhaps a harsh summary as the fight between Carano and Fassbender is the best section of the entire film.  Their fight looked fantastic and was exceptionally well choreographed.  The real problem is it occurred during the first third of the film.  This meant that all fist fights which took place afterwards couldn't even match it let alone top it. 

In Haywire no one uses a gun except Kenneth as he is the worlds most evil Kenneth.

I appreciate that Haywire was never intended to be a loud and in your face but everything was almost too understated for its own good. 

There was a scene towards the end of the film in which Douglas and Carano were conversing in an aeroplane hanger and as my mind began to wander I noticed tumbleweed blowing across the runway in the back of the shot.  This moment summed up my feelings for the film.

Haywire is a very slick and at times gritty thriller but at the end of the day I was bored out of my skull.  It gets a 6/10. 

The Eagle

Gladiator, Braveheart and to hell with dignity even Pathfinder. I will watch pretty much any movie set in the historical past. I am a big fan of the “swords n sandals” epic therefore it was with naive high hopes I set off on opening weekend to see The Eagle.

PLOT: Marcus (Channing Tatum) plays the son of a Roman Centurion who lost a coveted Eagle and an entire Legion (the 9th to be exact) over Hadrian’s wall thereby shaming the family name. Marcus accepts a post in Britain in order to bring respect and honour back to his family. After Marcus is injured he is honourably discharged from the army and goes to live with his uncle Donald Sutherland. Marcus saves a young slave Esca (Jamie Bell) and the two set off over the wall in order to retrieve the Eagle and bring it home to Rome. Can Esca be trusted? Can Channing Tatum keep up his British accent? Can they retrieve the Eagle? Why in the name of fucking hell is Mark Strong American? END PLOT.

My love for historical movies is greatly helped by the fact that I know very little about history. My lack of knowledge may make general conversation with a historian short and limited but it has greatly helped my ability to enjoy film without getting all hung up on the details. In the grand scheme of things the latter is much more important and relevant to me.

I have no idea whatsoever of the historical accuracies contained in The Eagle and in my true lazy-ass tradition I will not be researching same.

The entire concept of The Eagle is one large gray area. The supposed hero of The Eagle is Marcus but he is in no way apologetic or remorseful for invading Britain, killing the innocent and taking their lands. The only real crime of the Scottish tribe who have taken the eagle is being violent in the defence of their country and perhaps being a tad smug about their theft by performing a drug induced tribal style dance ceremony around it, in what has been I assume, a regular occurrence for the past twenty or so years. The entire movie is based on a murky event in which a right and wrong isn’t clear. Luckily The Eagle has a hero in Esca and at least gives the audience someone who isn’t completely selfish to route for - who doesn’t like a genuinely nice guy?

The Eagle does become disjointed in Act 2 with a role reversal subplot which lasts slightly too long. We are in age of the bromance and perhaps the middle section would have been improved by more interaction between Marcus and Esca.

The relationship between Marcus and Esca is as one would expect - two men go off on an adventure not quite trusting one another, friendship grows, the seeds of mistrust are sown, a misunderstanding is erm reaped (?) and a fully fledged brotherly bond blossoms.

I am not a major Channing Tatum fan as he is a bit too All American for me and I had major reservations about the accent but he was fine. He looks good in Roman getup and although the accent was poor by the time it fizzled out completely I was so into the film I didn’t notice.

Jamie Bell is a growing favourite and will be a huge star in the not to distance future. Esca was the most sympathetic character and Jamie portrayed this very well.

The weakest link in the cast, and I cannot believe what I am about to say, is Mark Strong. Mark was in two sections of The Eagle in what was essentially an extended cameo. His first scene was fine and the usual Mark Strong excellence was deployed but in his second section jeez he suddenly put on the worst American accent I have heard in a long time. It stuck out like a sore thumb and quite frankly it has forever tarnished the legacy of Mark Strong. The sudden and unnecessary arrival of an American accent so obviously fake will never be forgiven or forgotten.

The action scenes were surprisingly good and they were violent. I know that a 12A rating is quite broad these days but I think they just scraped it and no more.

The Eagle is set in Britain in 120AD and the entire look of the movie was cold and wet and coming from Ireland, although not being around in 120AD, I can confirm that global warming has not had any effect whatsoever on the weather as it is still cold and wet. Some of the shots over the Scottish Highlands were stunning - but wet.

The Roman costumes were as expected but I cannot look at a Roman Centurion
without thinking of this:

Stwike him, Centuwion. Stwike him vewy wuffly!

Aside from a slightly sluggish 2nd Act I really enjoyed The Eagle. I am prepared to give Channing Tatum the benefit of the doubt and it has confirmed the class of Jamie Bell. The Eagle gets an 8/10 and I know I will get this on blu-ray when the time comes. It is flawed in parts but its part of a genre that I love.