Those who have the misfortune of knowing me know that I go through actor phases. I had a Reedus Season because of The Walking Dead and Fassbender Season is likely to run in the background for quite some time yet.
I’ve always been a fan of Chris Evans who has this great habit of making easy viewing films. Evans has been my go to 90mins actor since Cellular.
PLOT: Ryan (Chris Evans) is just some guy who answers his phone. Nokia. Kidnap victim Jessica (Kim Basinger) is on the other end of the line and begs him for help. Nokia. Ryan must help Jessica whilst trying to save the kidnappers next victims – her husband and son. Nokia in a Porsche. Ryan fails and Jessica’s husband and son are promptly kidnapped. Nokia broken. It’s only after turning to the police that Ryan finds out not all is what it seems. Nokia saves the day. END PLOT
Cellular is not a groundbreaking film by any standards but it is great fun. The plot moves along at breakneck speed so you don’t have time to think about the ridiculousness of proceedings.
Chris Evans plays Ryan with high levels of gusto and manages to stop moments such as the phone charger robbery scene from becoming too over the top.
Kim Basinger overacts like hell and becomes the most simpering and pathetic female kidnap victim in history. If I kidnapped her she would have been given several hard slaps. Basinger's performance stood out for all the wrong reasons and needed toned down dramatically. In fairness to Jessica she does have an impressive body count by the end of the film but it doesn't excuse the hand wringing awfulness.
Jason Statham is Cellular’s main bad guy and he scowls his way through the film whilst trying to remember that he is American. All the characters are fairly generic but Statham fairs the worst.
Despite my enthusiasm for Chris Evans the real star of the show is William H Macy as Sgt Mooney. Sgt Mooney is on the brink of retiring to open a beauty salon *cough* sorry day spa with his wife and the mystery over Jessica’s kidnapping is his final case.
Macy has some great lines and I loved his goldfish in a wine glass moment which is exactly as it sounds. Macy also manages to defy gravity on several occasions with some impressive power-sliding.
The action is basic although decently executed and it fits in with the light-hearted tone of the film very well.
The score is essentially a remix of Nina Simone’s Sinnerman which bizarrely works in the chase scenes.
Cellular is an extremely cheesy film but it has enough charm to get by. I am not ashamed to admit that this film is my ultimate guilty pleasure. Cellular gets an affectionate 7.5/10.