The Wolverine

 

I grew up with the X-Men cartoon. I was obsessed with it and although I have next to no experience with the comics my love of X-Men has been strong since I was a kid.

The one thing that always irked me about the cartoon was Wolverine.  It felt like he set up camp on the centre stage and refused to budge.  This trait was carried over to the films.  It became more annoying with each instalment.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine was an average film. It satisfied a childhood craving for Gambit but other than that I haven’t watched it since the cinema. 

Despite my usual love for comic book adaptations I had absolutely no interest in The Wolverine.  Watching the trailer was more effort than I was prepared to give.

My trip to see The Wolverine was out habit rather than interest.

PLOT:  Set after the events of X-Men 3 Logan (Hugh Jackman) heads to Japan at the request of a dying man he saved during WW2.  While struggling with the loss of Jean Grey (Famke Janssen) Logan finds that his healing ability has been taken.  A now vulnerable Logan must discover who has taken his powers and save Mariko (Tao Okamoto) his rebound love.  END PLOT

Having Wolverine lose his healing ability wasn’t clever as he took several beatings and bullets before he was miraculously healed again.  It didn’t create any tension and I did not believe for one nanosecond that he was ever in any danger.  I don’t know why they bothered.  The entire concept was impressively boring.

The love affair with Mariko was cheesy as were the consent flashbacks of Jean Grey rolling around in bed sheets.  I didn’t give a fuck about Jean Grey when she was alive.  I certainly didn’t want to hear from her from beyond the grave.  I will confess that the Jean Grey scenes did awaken me from my slumber but it was only because it sparked a fiery hatred. 

The major misstep in The Wolverine is Viper.  A mutant who looked so 90’s I bet Uma Thurman is pissed off that she didn’t get the call.  In fairness to Viper she did have the most character development - as the movie progressed there was a very noticeable correlation between Viper’s slutty attire and her level of evil.

W.T.F is she wearing? W.T.F is she wearing it? I do NOT have a top that shade of green........

There is no denying that Hugh Jackman has been excellent as Wolverine but the character is so familiar it feels as though he is operating on autopilot. Nothing new was offered.

The supporting characters are all instantly forgettable save for Yukio (Rila Fukushima) however she is underused.

The action scenes are not inspiring.  There are almost no mutants which means that Wolverine is chased through Japan by men in suits and shades firing guns.   The bullet train set piece was perhaps filmed for a 3D audience but it was such a stupid concept there were a few giggles coming from various corners of the audience.

I suppose the shoddy action scenes can't really be faulted when the vast majority of the CGI budget when on ironing the wrinkles out of Famke Janssen's face.  The woman was airbrushed within an inch of her life. 

Luckily for us all Wolverine decided not to hang around in Japan.  Unfortunately it looks as though he will be back in New York just in time for the new X-Men film.  Dammit.  I expected little from The Wolverine and I suppose I should be happy that I got exactly that.  I am not.  The Wolverine gets 4/10. 

It speaks volumes that the post credit sequence is considered the best part of the entire film.  I missed it.  Typical.