Life is all about choices and sometimes the hardest choices you have to make are those involving things you don’t care about. This weekend I was faced with such a choice - Drive Angry 3D or I Am Number 4. Luckily I was saved my a member of The Nerdy Trio who had half a notion for Number 4 so it transpires that the hardest decisions can be avoided by passing the buck.
PLOT: John (Alex Pettyfer) is a reasonably attractive alien sent to earth to protect his own species by erm disappearing and leaving them to die. Henri (Timothy Olyphant) is John’s Guardian whose task it is to look after John and ensure that he is safe in order to protect the species who have been destroyed trying to keep him safe. Or something. John is Number 4 of 9 aliens who are living on earth and must be killed in a preordained yet unexplained numerical order. John meets Sarah (Diana Agron) and falls in love. John meets Sam (insert actor destined to play nerdy sidekick) and saves him from the bully Mark (Jake Abel). John defeats the Mogadorian’s. The movie ends on the usual desperate cry of “if we make enough money there will be a sequel”. END PLOT
I Am Number 4 is based on a book and it will come as no surprise to you to learn that I have not read said book and have partaken in no research whatsoever to determine whether or not I Am Number 4 is a loyal adaptation.
The plot is fine - I got on board with it quite easily. The problem is that at least 7/9 of the movie is devoted solely to teen drama - we have love triangles, high school bullying, mildly aggressive step-fathers and mildly rebellious teens (who must to go school no matter the cost). The first ninety minutes is essentially a feature length episode of One Tree Hill (spit spit cross myself spit spit) and is so boring I was beginning to crave Nic Cage and his 3D wig.
Once the action comes it is very good and the final (only) battle between John and the Mogadorian’s does suck you in.
The Mogadorian’s look like something Joss Whedon rejected circa early Buffy - they were staked, dusted and looked cheap and nineties.
The movie on the whole looked okay but was nothing special however the musical cues were awful as was the soundtrack. There was something very amateurish about the entire production.
The cast was headed by Alex Pettyfer an actor who is devoid of charisma and charm. Pettyfer even manages to out sulk Luke Skywalker by being more of a whiny little bitch and thereafter getting his mentor killed.
Diana Argron is one of the few cast members from Glee who will have a career when the show ends - you just know that the fast majority of that cast are destined for the convention circuit. Agron was fine in a role that required her to do very little.
Jake Abel gets a little shout out as he was in three episodes of Supernatural two of which were very good. We mustn't mention the season 5 finale (spit spit cross myself spit spit)
Timothy Olyphant was grossly underused but managed to be the best thing in the entire movie. It dawned on me about seventy minutes in that nothing was going to happen whilst Henri was still alive. This put me in a bit of a pickle as I was wishing ill on the only interesting character in order to quell my arse-numbing boredom. Olyphant is becoming a firm favourite of The Nerdy Trios.
I Am Number 4 sets itself up nicely for a sequel which I would welcome as the last fifteen minutes saved the film from being a complete disaster. There is a decent movie in there - this is one occasion where the attempt at setting up character relationships and back-story failed. I think sometimes you have to accept that you are making an average aliens on earth movie and just run with it.
I Am Number 4 gets a 6/10 (the last 15mins gets an 8/10). There was potential but it was completely wasted which is a shame as with all the drama out of the way it set itself up quite nicely for a sequel.
I am now in full Olyphant appreciation mode which is helped by the fact that he man is totally ageing into his looks. Olyphant is loved but I am not sure why as it transpired on searching the dvd collection for an Olyphant movie that I own absolutely zero and I Am Number 4 wont be getting him on the score sheet.
If he keeps on growing his hair I may be forced to buy No4 in a 3 for 2
DISCLAIMER - Whilst I acknowledge the fact that Diana Agron will have a career after Glee meets its welcome demise I will in no way, shape or form be supportive of it.