Godzilla

 

My knowledge of Godzilla is limited.  I have not seen the originals nor do I intend to.  It is a franchise that exists outside my radar however when the trailer arrived I took notice and I confess that I was excited.

PLOT: After finding a massive radiation eating egg Mankind decides to feed it radiation.  Mankind is inexplicably surprised when the massive radiation eating egg hatches into Massive Unidentified Terrestrial Organism (MUTO to you and me) that is hungry for, erm, radiation.  Godzilla rises from the deep just to beat the shit out of a horny Male MUTO.  Female MUTO is being chased by Male MUTO who is being chased by Godzilla who is being chased by the US Navy. END PLOT

The entire plot of Godzilla can be visualised quite accurately with the help of a Scooby Doo montage although Scooby Doo does contain fewer crumbling bridges and falling skyscrapers.  The script can be broken down into two distinct sections – a 30min show case for Bryan “I must have all the cameos” Cranston followed by 90mins of pure chaos.  I could have looked past the invisible plot if it wasn't for the fact that the film was so darn boring.

The MUTO and Godzilla are big monsters and they made short work of Las Vegas and San Francisco and thereafter each other.  The action was loud and noisy but also completely soulless.  King Kong was given a soul through his expressive eyes, even Michael Bay managed to give the Autobots some heart but the creatures in Godzilla were nothing more than CGI shells.  I will concede that as they were big budget CGI shells they did look impressive.

The characters are bland and have absolutely no development.  This only became a problem as I was bored by what felt like hours of watching the US Navy/Arny tiptoeing behind the monsters armed with nothing other than flashlights and machine guns.  Bryan Cranston is always dependable but unfortunately he had a much smaller role than I expected.  I couldn’t warm to Aaron Taylor-Johnston as it appeared that he was concentrating more on suppressing an urge to laugh rather than his performance and Elizabeth Olsen made no impression whatsoever.  This does not bode well for the next instalment of The Avengers.  The rest of the cast were all null and void and got lost in the shambles.

It is a testament to how underwritten the characters were that the only genuinely touching moment in the entire film was when the Male MUTO gave the Female MUTO a radioactive present in lieu of pre-mating flowers and chocolates. 

Given that Godzilla has already made truckloads of money I will put my hands up and suggest that perhaps Godzilla wasn’t for me.  I say this but I can’t get the phrase “empty vessels make the most noise” out of my head.  Godzilla gets 3/10.  It has to be the most overrated film since Scott Pilgrim.