Taken 3

 

It is an unofficial law in this era of cinema that any successful standalone film must be turned into a franchise.  Taken is one of these films and although Taken 2 was a dull, pedestrian affair, I was still interested in Taken 3.    

PLOT:  Bryan Mills (Liam Neeson) is back in America but still being ignored by his daughter Kim (Maggie Grace) and strung along by his ex-wife Lenore (Famke Janssen).   After being framed for the murder of said ex-wife Mills goes on the run and hunts down the killers before his daughter is taken x3.  END PLOT

 

The Taken films are not known for intricate plots and twists.  I have no issue with this and anyone who goes along to a Taken film expecting such a thing is either a fool or lying.  The plot for Taken 3 is basic although there were attempts to introduce drama with an unplanned pregnancy and never ending conversations about the temperature of bagels.  The script was never the selling point of Taken 3; it was always going to be about the action.

Unfortunately the action isn’t anything to get excited about and the big set pieces involve several car chases which appear to cause no casualties.  The hand-to-hand combat which made the original Taken so impressive is a thing of the past.  Despite the action being completely unoriginal it is fairly well executed and I admit that the Porsche vs Plane section did create a fleeting moment of tension.

 

Quite a lot of my forgiveness of the Taken franchise comes from my loyalty to Liam Neeson.  I absolutely love how Neeson’s Brian Mills captures cranky Norn Iron irritation to perfection.  It is great fun to watch if you don’t take the film too seriously.

I have quite a lot of time for Maggie Grace who deserves to be a bigger star than what she is.  Taken 3 is the first time that Grace doesn’t feel too old to play Kim and making the character grow up has worked in her favour.  Grace also rocks the permanently stressed up-do like a pro.

 

Forest Whitaker makes his debut as a local police force detective in an attempt to bring some acting gravitas to the franchise.  The attempt fails and Whitaker is reduced to rolling his eyes at the double act of his bumbling deputies “Smith and Garcia” and talking about bagels in an overly serious manner.

 

Taken 3 is exactly what I expected so realistically I can have no complaints.  The Taken films can now be considered a lazy franchise which will continue to plunder on as long as Liam Neeson is getting a nice pay cheque.  Taken 3 gets 5/10 and it kills 90mins quite nicely.   The rating hardly matters as I know I will be there come opening weekend of Taken 4 and all the others after that.

The Wolverine

 

I grew up with the X-Men cartoon. I was obsessed with it and although I have next to no experience with the comics my love of X-Men has been strong since I was a kid.

The one thing that always irked me about the cartoon was Wolverine.  It felt like he set up camp on the centre stage and refused to budge.  This trait was carried over to the films.  It became more annoying with each instalment.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine was an average film. It satisfied a childhood craving for Gambit but other than that I haven’t watched it since the cinema. 

Despite my usual love for comic book adaptations I had absolutely no interest in The Wolverine.  Watching the trailer was more effort than I was prepared to give.

My trip to see The Wolverine was out habit rather than interest.

PLOT:  Set after the events of X-Men 3 Logan (Hugh Jackman) heads to Japan at the request of a dying man he saved during WW2.  While struggling with the loss of Jean Grey (Famke Janssen) Logan finds that his healing ability has been taken.  A now vulnerable Logan must discover who has taken his powers and save Mariko (Tao Okamoto) his rebound love.  END PLOT

Having Wolverine lose his healing ability wasn’t clever as he took several beatings and bullets before he was miraculously healed again.  It didn’t create any tension and I did not believe for one nanosecond that he was ever in any danger.  I don’t know why they bothered.  The entire concept was impressively boring.

The love affair with Mariko was cheesy as were the consent flashbacks of Jean Grey rolling around in bed sheets.  I didn’t give a fuck about Jean Grey when she was alive.  I certainly didn’t want to hear from her from beyond the grave.  I will confess that the Jean Grey scenes did awaken me from my slumber but it was only because it sparked a fiery hatred. 

The major misstep in The Wolverine is Viper.  A mutant who looked so 90’s I bet Uma Thurman is pissed off that she didn’t get the call.  In fairness to Viper she did have the most character development - as the movie progressed there was a very noticeable correlation between Viper’s slutty attire and her level of evil.

W.T.F is she wearing? W.T.F is she wearing it? I do NOT have a top that shade of green........

There is no denying that Hugh Jackman has been excellent as Wolverine but the character is so familiar it feels as though he is operating on autopilot. Nothing new was offered.

The supporting characters are all instantly forgettable save for Yukio (Rila Fukushima) however she is underused.

The action scenes are not inspiring.  There are almost no mutants which means that Wolverine is chased through Japan by men in suits and shades firing guns.   The bullet train set piece was perhaps filmed for a 3D audience but it was such a stupid concept there were a few giggles coming from various corners of the audience.

I suppose the shoddy action scenes can't really be faulted when the vast majority of the CGI budget when on ironing the wrinkles out of Famke Janssen's face.  The woman was airbrushed within an inch of her life. 

Luckily for us all Wolverine decided not to hang around in Japan.  Unfortunately it looks as though he will be back in New York just in time for the new X-Men film.  Dammit.  I expected little from The Wolverine and I suppose I should be happy that I got exactly that.  I am not.  The Wolverine gets 4/10. 

It speaks volumes that the post credit sequence is considered the best part of the entire film.  I missed it.  Typical.

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters

 

I may as well admit that I was more excited about Hansel and Gretel than I should have been.  Blame Jeremy Renner.

I didn’t even bother to keep my expectations in check.  The trailer made it clear that Hansel and Gretel was going to be absolute nonsense and I went to the cinema comforted by this knowledge.

PLOT:  After their parents abandon them in the middle of a wood Hansel (Jeremy Renner) and Gretel (Gemma Arterton) are lured to a sweet covered house whereupon they are captured by a witch.  Hansel and Gretel defeat the witch and grow up into fierce witch hunters.  Twelve children go missing in the town of Augsburg which leads Hansel and Gretel to discover that the Grand Witch (Famke Janssen) is conjuring a spell that makes witches immune to fire.  END PLOT 

The opening scenes play out the traditional Grimm fairy tale however once Hansel and Gretel grow up we are introduced to a world where anachronistic errors and steampunk are living together in perfect harmony.

The plot is paper thin but its sole purpose is to string together a series of decent chase scenes through a picturesque forest.  This isn’t a complaint.  I didn’t go to see Hansel and Gretel expecting a dark psychological insight into sugar addiction and failed parenting.

The casting of Jeremy Renner was the main draw and he didn’t disappoint.  Renner is his usual bored/angry self and gets the chance to throw in a couple of sarcastic quips.  Hansel (who is so hot right now) is also a diabetic which caused much unintentional amusement when he almost slipped into a diabetic coma during the final battle.

Gemma Arterton is grand as Gretel and does a commendable America accent.  One can only assume that Arterton's American accent was better than Renner's English but given the numerous accents that can apparently be found in the rural German countryside I doubt anyone would have noticed if she hadn't bothered. 

Despite being a formidable duo Hansel and Gretel spent quite a lot of time apart and the film suffered for it as when they were together Renner and Arterton had chemistry.  The final scene gave the obligatory sequel hints and I would expect to see a lot more brother/sister banter if this ever occurs.

The supporting cast of Famke Janssen and Thomas Mann, as a young hunter, are fine if unremarkable. 

The action is good and all of the bloody deaths (and there were plenty) are played for laughs.  Tommy Wirkola adopts a similar attitude towards gore as he did in Dead Snow and it suited the tone of the film perfectly. 

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters gave me exactly what I expected so I have no cause to complain.  It gets 7.5/10.  If you keep your expectations low and just enjoy the ridiculousness it is great fun.

Taken2

Taken was one of those rare films that comes along and does better than anyone, including the filmmakers, could have predicted.

A film with that much success doesn’t go without a sequel. It’s the law.

PLOT: Bryan (Liam Neeson) is on holiday in Istanbul with his ex-wife Lenore (Famke Janssen) and daughter Kim (Maggie Grace) when they are taken hostage by the Albanians. Bryan must use his particular set of skills to save his family once more. END PLOT

If you’ve already seen Taken you will not be surprised to learn that Taken 2 follows the exact same formula with a “if it isn’t broke why fix?” attitude. The only difference between the two films is the rating.

I can’t complain too much as with a sequel the action was either going to be ramped up to cartoonish levels or dumbed down to cater for a wider audience. Guess which version will make more money?

The action is 12A grade and decent if unremarkable. It would appear that Bryan used up his spectacular set of skills in the first film and (literally) saunters around Istanbul occasionally looking for his ex-wife/failing to save her.

The humour in Taken 2 is mostly unintentional with Bryan's ridiculously complicated set of directions for his ex-wife being the most amusing. The overall sense of inconvenience his kidnapping causes Bryan Mills is funnier than any witty quip.

Liam Neeson is the undoubted star of this franchise. In the hands of Jason Statham or Clive Owen it probably wouldn’t have been on my radar but Liam Neeson scowls his way through the film half bemused/half mildly irritated and it makes for great viewing. The fact that he just radiates his Northern Irishness (I can see it) makes it all the more entertaining.

Kim Mills is placed very high up the Top Ten Damsel chart but Maggie Grace is very good in that role and puts in a better performance than she will get credit for.

The villains are all genetic, nameless Albanians and it worries me that my only knowledge of the country comes from the Taken films.

On a budget of $45million (IMDB) everything about Taken2 is distinctly average especially when compared to the $25million budget of Taken.  It's hard to see what the extra money was spent on unless Neeson upped his fee drastically.

Taken was a guilty pleasure that bordered on being a respectable choice and I know that Taken2 isn’t as good but I can’t help but like it. It is the Neeson factor! Taken2 gets a 7/10.

There is no need for a Taken3 but there will be.  I will see it on opening weekend.