Sunday, 13 March 2011

An Odyssey of Epic Proportions - Or How We Got Lost On The Way To The Cinema - Act 2

After the disaster with the singing men
Events needed to go back to normal again
So at the next island the four girls landed
Hoping now they would no longer be stranded
Miles from home, lost at sea and
Cut off from all of humanity.

The girls they parked and left the car
Hoping that safety wasn’t too far
Expectant as they wondered into town
“Where is everyone?” asked Emma with a frown
The town square it was deadly quiet
And it looked as though there had been a riot

Cars were on fire and shop windows were broken
But these acts of vandalism went unspoken
The gang were busy looking for the town folk
After wandering for an hour Sarah finally spoke

“Why is there nobody here?”
The reason for the carnage still wasn’t clear
“We should split up and have a look around”
“Kara the logic in that statement is not sound -
You know what can happen in that situation”
After a few moments of silent contemplation
Kara agreed that together they should stay

“Karina and I are going this way”
Emma then suddenly said
“Em you really must be out of your head
Splitting up will render us as good as dead”
“Well you and Saz stay here and keep guard
Finding help in a small town shouldn’t be hard,
We wont be a moment and we’ll be right back”

Kara and Karina swapped worryingly glances
Saying things like that would increase the chances
Of proceedings thereafter going quite wrong
“Will you stop worrying - we wont be long”

Emma marched off with Karina in tow
Who began huffing as she didn’t want to go.
Sarah dashed into a shop for a look,
Kara sat in the sun with a book

Karina and Emma walked on down the street
But not one person did they meet.
Karina suddenly stopped as they passed an alley
Emma muttered at her not to dally

“Emma you might want to take a look at this
And I swear to you I’m not taking the piss but
There is a half eaten man lying down here”
Emma was trying hard not to swear
The drama of the past few days was becoming hard to bear

She was beginning to feel that she was alone
In actually wanting to find a way home.
“You know something about this town stinks
And looking at this poor bastard has made me think....”

“You thinking is something that one wouldn’t advise”
Said Emma trying to come over all wise
She wandered into the alley for a look
And the sight of the man almost made her puke

“What the hell is going on” She coughed and spluttered
Karina was looking at her like a nutter
“There is only one thing that would eat a man's head -
I bet this place is filled with the walking dead”

“Okay now you are getting out of hand
this is not a bloody Zombie Land.”
The girls they stood and looked at the torso
And the silence in the alley grew ever more so

Until there was a mighty crash
Which made the girls want to turn and dash
But they couldn’t move, they could only stare
At the mops of ginger hair stumbling over some bins
“Bloody hell is that a set of undead twins?”

Two ginger twin girls all covered in blood
Were limping towards Karina and Emma
Who found themselves in quite a dilemma

“Should we speak to them or get out of here before they come?”
“Fuck it if you think I am talking to red-rum!”
Cried Karina as she turn to leave
Grabbing Emma roughly by her sleeve

As the two girls jogged back to the others
Emma was now becoming quite flustered
“There is obviously something going on
But the idea of zombies is completely wrong
There is no such thing as the walking dead!”
“You clearly have never read World War Z”

When they found Kara she reading outside a shop
Sarah was looting inside for new shoes and a top
They ran up to her and Karina excitedly said -
“Kara! This place is crawlin’ with the walking undead”
“Karina if you say that again I will smack you in the head”
“Emma you saw those girls for yourself
It really couldn’t be anything else -”

“If it’s zombies then we really shouldn’t linger”
Said Kara nervously starting to bite her fingers
“Dude I saw them they were all bloody and ginger!!”
“Ginger zombies! It all sounds very scary”
Kara was beginning to feel quite wary

The girls waited for Sarah to arrive
So they could figure out how to survive
After commenting that Sarah’s new footwear was lovely
They filled her in on the gruesome discovery.

It was decided that they should get the fuck out of dodge
But until morning they’d hold up in a lodge
As night was coming and they were losing the light
That is needed to keep hordes of zombies in sight

“Isn’t it just great now were are losing the sun
The zombies now we will never out run”
“Emma with your point you epically did fail
As running zombies obviously aren’t real”

Then there was an almighty crack
And Karina’s head was given a rather hard smack.
As she pathetically rubbed at her throbbing head
Kara rather ingeniously said:

“Saz did the shop you were looting have sunglasses
We might as well fight zombies lookin’ like bad-asses”
“There were no glasses you’ll be sorry to learn
We will just have to fight zombies lookin like nerds”

“Never mind that we need some place to rest
And I think an abandoned house would be best”
Emma lead the girls off to find the nearest abandoned house
The girls were quieter than a mouse.

They quickly neared the main streets end
But as they stealthily turned around a bend
They were greeted by a gruesome sight
And the four girls all stepped back in fright

At the top of the street a lone zombie stood
Which began walking towards them as they were food.
The girls they stared as the zombie moaned
and moved towards them at a slow speed.
The girls simply jogged past - running there was no need

For if you believe the internet talk
Then a zombie can only just about walk
The girls jogged for a bit and turned to look back
To see the zombie shuffling along
Then as per usual the internet was wrong
The zombie gave out a loud groan and started to jog

The girls could only watch in horror
As the lone zombie would soon be a bother
“I wish at this moment I had a gun” Said Karina
As the impending zombie broke into a run

“Sorry to tell you but your Zombie Survival Guide
Is either incorrect or has in fact lied”
“Emma I hope this zombie rips out your throat
Since you are too keen to scoff and gloat.”

“I still don’t believe it’s a zombie outbreak”
“Well you stay and chat with him then for fuck sake”
Snapped Karina as she ran down the street with Kara and Sarah

Emma followed too but she would never admit
That she was starting to buy into this zombie shit
The girls they ran and the zombie it followed
Then suddenly a stranger stepped out of a van
proclaiming to be a zombie-hunter-man

He shouted at the girls who were causing a riot
And would surely bring zombies to ruin his quiet
As he complained the girls ran on past
The zombie jumped on the man and they fell on the grass

The hunter did yell as the zombie bit
“That’ll teach you for being a snobby git”
Cried Sarah looking back and the scene
The man's only reply was a deathly scream.

The zombie began to noisily munch
And settled for his alternative lunch.
The girls now tired slowed back to a walk
All of them now too breathless to talk

Trying to overcome their initial shock
The girls tried house doors but they were all locked
The next house they tried was a run down shack
but they tried their luck around the back

Thankfully the door was unlocked
But before they entered they heard a familiar sound
Karina tapped Emma’s shoulders and turned her around
“Now look over there towards that shed
And tell me that isn’t the walking undead”

Emma had to admit that the one armed man dressed in Abercrombie
Was none other than a walking zombie,
“What the hell!” sweet Emma cried
Alarmed at the sight of someone who had died
All bloodied and bruised and groaning so loud
Even Romero himself would surely be proud

It began walking towards her with its arms outstretched
And events did rather become far fetched
As Kara leapt onto an electric lawn cutter
And cut through the zombie like a knife through butter
Until all that was left was a bloody arm and hand
(But nicely dressed in a trendy brand)

In shock the girls were unable to speak but
They all knew Kara got Zombie Kill of The Week
“Okay” said Emma “The zombies idea is true
So what the hell are we supposed to do?”

“I have an idea which you are sure to thank….”
“Kara don’t you dare mention finding a tank
You plan is flawed in may ways and will
Lead us to the end of our days”

The girls entered the house and barricaded the door
Not wanting to deal the zombies any more
They planned to take turns as a guard
But events of the day had made it quite hard
And promptly they all fell asleep.

As daybreak finally broke
The four girls all suddenly woke
Wondering on what to do now
They decided on a friendship vow

Full Marine Code was unanimously agreed
So therefore it was solemnly decreed
That no man would be left behind
On the journey back to the car
The problem being the harbour was quite far

They slowly left the house in silence
Hoping to avoid any further zombie violence
They walked passed the body of the zombie-hunter-man
And Sarah stopped to have a look in his van

In a rather convenient turn of events
They found an abundance of helpful presents
The van was filled to the brim with weapons
“Now let’s go and have some fun”
said Karina confidently cocking a gun

The girls they carried the guns in their hands
Each preparing to make their last stand
They walked through town with their tools
(All four girls felt ridiculously cool)

All went quite smoothly and the car was in view
Then the shit hit the fan and they thought they were screwed
The zombies appeared in large droves
Still looking quite human in their clothes

They fired their guns in a bid to get past
Knowing the bullets wouldn’t forever last
Sarah was worried about her clothes and complexion
Kara and Karina were enjoying the fun and action

Emma suddenly thought what the hell
And started to enjoy herself as well.
They almost reached the car without a hitch when
Emma scored a head shot quipping
“Eat that you bitch!”

Kara and Saz stopped what they were doing to cheer
Not caring that stopping could cost them dear
Thankfully Karina ran ahead to start the car
And in a manoeuvre you would think was rehearsed
Aramis was started and successfully reversed

The girls they dived into the car
As the zombies fell into the water
Their groaning muted by the sound of laughter
As the girls were happy they survived the island

The laughter died and the girls calmed down
Sarah’s smile slowly turned to a frown
“We still are no nearer to home
And I am not cut out to roam”

“Well the current appears to be turning us east
And away from the zombies for the moment at least
We should feel lucky there are scarier things than the walking dead
Luckily no sparkling vampires raised their shovel faced heads”

Karina held the gun she would forever keep
And like the others she soon fell asleep
Dreaming of the awesome events that would surely be
Covered in great depth in Act Three.

Act 1
The Bridge 


  1. Very good!! I'm first in to read and make a comment as you only posted it 10 minutes ago according to the chart of my blogs I'm following!
    I definitely had some good laughs and find it rather amusing to be reading about zombies after having watched you know what movie!! I thought for a moment there Shuan himself might make an apperance!!

  2. Me and my friends do spend a worrying amount of time discussing are plan for a zombie attack. It usually ends up in an argument about a tank!

    I never thought about a cameo from Shaun - wish I had lol

    Thanks for reading.


  3. i think Poe you say quoit Karina evermore and say why did not thing of that. great poem. don't care form zombie but it is every good poetry thank you and god bless

  4. Thanks for reading.

    I now know what I am doing for Act3 so I will be in a writing mood for the next few days!

  5. That was epic my dear! Can't wait for Act 3!

  6. Ginger Zombies, now that's scary!

  7. Thanks Daniel!

    As scary as ginger zombies are that part really doesn't work - I was watching The Shining as I was writing and had to force it in somehow lol

    I started Act3 on the bus yesterday. We land at Dover and end up in England back in the day of King Arthur, Monty Python and the burning of witches. It wont be historically accurate that's a cert!